Who You Gonna Call?

Somewhere, wedged under the memories of visiting Pumpkinville and knowing the complete route to defeating Goonies 2 for Nintendo, there exists the entire script for Egon's role in Ivan Reitman's Ghostbusters.

In the 80s my neighborhood friends Keith and Eric (they're brothers) and I would spend the full two hours reenacting the whole film. I had seen it the least of us, meaning only about 35-40 times. Somehow, though, Keith, as Venkman (Bill Murray's role), always got to say the "Don't cross the streams" line, even though everybody knows it was Egon who said it and it was the coolest thing he ever said.

In either movie.

But you know how kids' rules go: They saw the movie before I did, and by the time I caught the error, we'd already played it the same way so many times. Can't mess with tradition.

Yesterday, in what spurred a stupor to enrapture my attention for the greater part of my existence until I went to bed, I learned news that left me questioning, reflecting, hoping.

They've all but green-lighted Ghostbusters 3.

Don't believe me? Here's a reputable source: http://imdb.com/title/tt0805537

That's right - Ghostbusters in Hell. They find a portal to Hell in NYC and have to go save the world. Not just Manhattan - the world.

That's perhaps the first mistake on this project - Remember when the big enemy was Peck from the EPA and the mayor's assistant in the sequel? Now what? Does Beelzebub carry a clipboard taking count of souls, and suddenly Venkman is called upon to thwart his snivelling by referring to him as "Boobybub?"

C'mon - the campy writing, the trite dialogue, the special effects - it was everything I loved about the movies of my childhood. This may be doomed to fail in an Episode I, I, III kind of way. Leave our beloved mythos behind us. Challenge yourself, Hollywood, to create anew. Movies are like memories we can revisit - they don't fade or tarnish over time - it's our perception that does it for us.

Example: I didn't think I'd get that giddy, child-like awe feeling from a movie until I saw Superman Returns, and the cheesy 70s-font blue lettering flying through the universe heralded another installment of another of my favorite childhood franchises. They did it right because they had to - I think there are millions of fans out there like me who have seen so many of the things they thought were cool as kids (Transformers is shooting right now dammit!) be torn up and "modernized" in recent years.

A handful of directors, Bryan Singer and Sam Raimi to name two, are getting it right because they take this stuff as seriously as we do. That give me a lot of hope for future installments of well-worn franchises, but Harold Ramis? Dan Akyroyd?

I leave it to them (who seemingly are coming out of retirement to prove to us they're still funny) to deliver the goods. I hope they don't cross the streams. It would be bad.

I Ruled Over A Kingdom Of Howler Monkeys!

And now, a timeline:

4 years of college education
6 years in journalism
15 days until the end of the part-time job
37 days remaining on the lease

1,200 pictures of George Washington owed to the credit card company
1,300 more owed to the oral surgeon before the end of summer

Bow to Balls Mahoney!

Yes, ladies and germs. Flapping in the sweet, sweat-filled breeze is the gangly underbrush of that almost-ran dirtbag, that perpetual mid-card wrestler, Balls Mahoney. Here he's getting whoopoed by John Cena at Raw Monday night. Yes, I was THAT close that I could snap this picture.

Ok - MARCY snapped the picture. She wore a pink shirt.

I just like saying Balls Mahoney. Let the ridicule ensue.

Angels Fix the Printer!

Angels are everywhere in literature. Whether you're a wrath-of-God fan like me, or a casual observer of man's interpretations of angel behavior, there's a lot out there to satiate your cravings.

Sometimes, as you can see from this photo, they appear while you're waiting for your page proof to print when you're at work. Those are reporters' heads in the foreground. I should also mention this was taken by Vasiliy, our photographer, who's the blackest white Ukranian I've ever known.

If you'd like to learn more about angels (and I'm not that much of an angel nut myself so this stuff isn't too weird) check out the following:

Paradise Lost: John Milton's epic poem about the parts of the Bible the Apostles didn't want you to know. Its descriptions of the angel battle scenes inspired fillmmakers for generations - swords, gold armor, glorious choruses bearing Death on their wings, ham sandwiches. A side note: Milton was known to have read every book in the world at the time of his writings. Of course, this was just before or right at the time of the printing press, so those books probably numbered in the 10-30 range. But it's still an impressive thing to be able to say. Another side note: I'm not sure if I read about the ham sandwiches or if I dreamed them. Mmmm. Sammiches.

His Dark Materials: Phillip Pullman's series of three books was inspired by Milton, so naturally it involves angels. "His dark materials" refers to a passage in Paradise Lost describing the building blocks God used to create the universe. That should NOT be confused with the dark materials of Cletus Randall Johnson, a resident of Wayne County, NY who in his double-wide once declared that "his dark materials" were responsible for the great Johnson family sewage explosion of 1995.

Eat this!

Mahooch's Beef Stroganoff

What you need:
2 tsp fresh ground pepper
1 tsp. salt
garlic powder
3 tbsp olive oil
3 cloves minced garlic
1.5 cups chopped white onion
1 lb. thinly sliced beef (sirloin works best)
half a package of baby portabello mushrooms (about 10), sliced
1 cup water1 can (10 oz.) beef broth
1 can (10 oz.) cream of mushroom soup
1.5 tsp worchestershire sauce
splash of white wine (about a shotglass-worth)
3 cups egg noodles
Two spoonfuls of sour cream

How you do it:
In a large skillet, sautee the onions and mushrooms in the olive oil on medium heat, seasoning with pepper and salt, about four minutes. Once the onions get tender, add garlic, sautee another minute.

Use the garlic powder and more pepper to season the meat. Then throw the meat in and brown it 5-7 minutes, stirring constantly.

Add water, broth, soup, and worchestershire. Stir. Turn heat to medium high, then when it starts to boil, add noodles. Reduce heat to medium and cook about 15 minutes or until noodles are tender. Turn off heat and stir in sour cream.