Something to fill space

I realized today the bottom post was still about my haircut and beard shaving excursion.

There HAS to be more in life, right? So here's a blog post worthy of blog posting.

My mom is coming up from Buffalo this weekend, driving herself, my grandmother, and my aunt from London.

Wait a minute - that sentence is wrong. They are not driving from London across the Atlantic to Boston. That would require a Duck Boat and a lot of gas.

Instead, I meant to say my aunt, who is from London, will be visiting along with my mom and grandmother.

Mom asked if I needed anything from Buffalo. Here's the shopping list I gave her:

(Actually, she's bringing Ted's hot sauce. Not Ted's hot dogs. That would be overkill, since they use Sahlen's, which she's bringing anyway.)

A rundown of LA

We returned yesterday from a week in L.A. Until then my personal knowledge of Western geography was limited to Chicago.

Marcy was a great tour guide, having lived there for five years already. She and her friend Beth knew a secret way up to the Hollywood sign, passing one of Madonna's houses. Nice.

We visited some of her other friends at work, which meant visiting the studios at Nickelodeon and Cartoon Network. One of the shows on which her friend works, Flapjack, debuts next week. We got a preview, and let's just say it's HILARIOUS.

No trip to L.A., and indeed Hollywood, would be complete without a visit to the Walk of Fame, a movie, and sighting of a celebrity. We accomplished all three.

The Walk of Fame was fun; it's a lot longer than I'd thought. I felt bad about stepping on Robin Williams, but I lost my balance trying to look down while walking.

We saw Indiana Jones and the Temple of the Crystal Skull at Universal Studios Sunday. That was fun, and I liked the movie as much as I thought I would. I won't give away the ending; let's just say I'm glad Indy kept the hat.

Later in the week we visited an impressive art gallery, the Los Angeles County Museum of Art.

Thankfully, many of its collections left me less confused than many art installations I've visited.

The work at right is a Monet, which I missed in my trip but the place is huge and it's easy to miss things. The gallery had some of Andy Warhol's more famous work, which was great to see. I don't think I've ever actually seen a Warhol.

And now the moment you've been waiting for: My official celebrity sighting.

While at LACMA, we visited the gift shop at the end of the day. Sitting alone eating dinner at the gallery restaurant was Charles Dance, who I kept telling people was the bad guy in both The Golden Child and Last Action Hero. Mostly I got blank stares.

C'mon, people. SARDO NUMSPA. Here's some dialogue:

SARDO: I've been waiting to meet you, Mr. Yarrell.

FU: [Indescribable Tibetan language]

CHANDLER JARELL (Eddie Murphy): Get your monkey off my back.

SARDO: Of course. Fu, please retire.

CHANDLER JARRELL: Yeah, Fu. Save it.

Or, Benedict, from Last Action Hero:

JACK SLATER (Arnie Scwarzenegger): Did you make a movie mistake? You forgot to load the damn gun!

BENEDICT: No, Jack. I just left one chamber empty.

Check back later for more about the trip!

REVIEW: City of Ember

This fall, you'll see posters and signs for City of Ember, aND IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE TRAILER YET YOU SHOULD SERIOUSLY CHECK IT OUT. IF FOR NOTHING ELSE, BILL MURRAY.

Crap. Caps lock. Sorry. Not re-typing it.

Anyhoo, I went out and bought the book. Also bought its two sequels (which sucks when you know that the story's going to be continued.)

The book is great. Really, nicely done. A simple story but it gets rolling toward a goal that is somewhat surprising, though you likely will figure it out if you're 16 years older than the intended readership age. Like me.

Anyhoo, The story is this: This mysterious city is all alone in the dark, dark world. No lights from the sky or anywhere else except the lamps powered throughout the city. By these lights the Emberians live, but recently the lights are flickering or staying off longer than normal. And everyone can sense an impending Doom, though two frends are the only ones who can do anything about it.

It's a familiar formula to the Harry Potter series, if you're just going by the above paragraph. But I had to write a LOT at work this week, so cut me some metaphorical slack. It's really not like Harry Potter at all.

So here's the thing about the book: It starts off as a great story, but in the last third of the book you can sense when the author finally gets an idea that she's not going to finish the book at all, but rather continue it into an Epic Saga. Do you remember the days when books and movies stood on their own? When sequels didn't have to be so much a part of the creative process? I kind of wish this story stood on its own, because if the quirky and quiet marketing campaign doesn't draw asses in the seats this movie might never get the sequel treatment it needs to stay true to the books.

Of course, it's Hollywood. It's not like they're coming up with anything else.

Giant squirrel infestation

BOSTON, Mass. - A rogue team of special ops mercenaries was credited by the White House today with ending the three-day carnage that ensued when a North Shore nuclear plant exploded, spraying radioactive waste throughout a five-mile radius and causing incidents of gigantism in small, woodland rodents.

The giant animals went on a killing spree through much of the northern half of Middlesex County, tearing up homes and grocery stores specifically.

A statement from the White House this morning said that a team of ex-special forces led by G.I. Bill recipient Sgt. Joseph Curtis and Sgt. Conrad S. Hauser dispatched from Hanscom Air Force Base in Lincoln just before 4 p.m. Tuesday. Within 16 hours the team, which included an ex-pro wrestler named Sgt. Slaughter and a blind ninja, killed or captured 14 squirrels, bunnies, and one 17-foot-long alligator. The alligator mat have just been in the sewers and not actually involved in the nuclear plant explosion, according to the White House.

More on this story as it develops.

Surprise, life.

I delight in doing the unexpected.

"Who's she?" You might ask. Ah, friends, 'tis a good day when you jar someone out of their routine and give them something to think of all day. It's why I'm in the business I'm in. That, and I hate money. I hate having it, or looking at it, and I'd rather not have any lying around when bills come because then I'd pay them and who wants to do that? It sickens me that I've wasted so many Star Wars stamps heading to my car insurance company.

This morning there was a disgruntled man on the porch of my office. Yes, my office has a porch. He was asking another man who works in my building how to get to a certain place. Just so happens the information guy strolls up. That's me. I happened to know there was a press conference at the address he was trying to find. But to make things worse for him, that address doesn't exist yet. It's a ribbon-cutting ceremony for a business that will one day be there.

I gave him directions. But I was about 70 percent sure of where I was sending him. I don't know Lexington very well. I know where the Revolution started because I can see it from my office window. Other than that, I'm useless.

If he finds it, surprise! If he doesn't find it, uh, surprise!

I should have sent him off with a Darth Maul stamp for his trouble, but my last one went to Verizon, where I hope he opened a can of whoopass in the middle of the customer service department.