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September 28, 2009

Office cookies

Your office drones are divided into two camps: Those that shrink away from the last cookie in the sampling your nice coworker brought in, and those that don't. The kind of person to take the last office cookie has to be methodical, deliberate and, at times, sneaky - for the death knell could toll on the treat bag at any moment. There's always that moment of hesitation: Do I bother getting up from my desk, wander over to the break room only to find the bag of cookies empty? Though, like Highlander, there can be only one office cookie vulture, the uncertainty always looms like ketchup clinging to the neck of a glass bottle. Begrudgingly, this person slowly rises from the desk and unshackles the chains of industry. His pace quickens, though, as he sights his goal. From this vantage, he can't see every ingress to the break room. What if someone, at that very hair's breadth of time, is also doing the quick-step to the sacred grove by the microwave? I must have it first, he says, for at no other time (at least today) will free treats be so close within reach! Then, rounding the corner and through the door, the cookie is spied. The coast is clear, a brief lunge, and success! The drone emerges victorious, savoring each chocolate-infused crumb with the intoxicating notion that he, he indeed, was the only one to dare breach office etiquette and claim his prize.

Yeah, I'm that guy.