I know I don't update it daily. Shut up.

May 22, 2008

REVIEW: City of Ember

Crap. Caps lock. Sorry. Not re-typing it.
Anyhoo, I went out and bought the book. Also bought its two sequels (which sucks when you know that the story's going to be continued.)

The book is great. Really, nicely done. A simple story but it gets rolling toward a goal that is somewhat surprising, though you likely will figure it out if you're 16 years older than the intended readership age. Like me.

Anyhoo, The story is this: This mysterious city is all alone in the dark, dark world. No lights from the sky or anywhere else except the lamps powered throughout the city. By these lights the Emberians live, but recently the lights are flickering or staying off longer than normal. And everyone can sense an impending Doom, though two frends are the only ones who can do anything about it.

It's a familiar formula to the Harry Potter series, if you're just going by the above paragraph. But I had to write a LOT at work this week, so cut me some metaphorical slack. It's really not like Harry Potter at all.

So here's the thing about the book: It starts off as a great story, but in the last third of the book you can sense when the author finally gets an idea that she's not going to finish the book at all, but rather continue it into an Epic Saga. Do you remember the days when books and movies stood on their own? When sequels didn't have to be so much a part of the creative process? I kind of wish this story stood on its own, because if the quirky and quiet marketing campaign doesn't draw asses in the seats this movie might never get the sequel treatment it needs to stay true to the books.

Of course, it's Hollywood. It's not like they're coming up with anything else.

May 15, 2008

Giant squirrel infestation

BOSTON, Mass. - A rogue team of special ops mercenaries was credited by the White House today with ending the three-day carnage that ensued when a North Shore nuclear plant exploded, spraying radioactive waste throughout a five-mile radius and causing incidents of gigantism in small, woodland rodents.

The giant animals went on a killing spree through much of the northern half of Middlesex County, tearing up homes and grocery stores specifically.

A statement from the White House this morning said that a team of ex-special forces led by G.I. Bill recipient Sgt. Joseph Curtis and Sgt. Conrad S. Hauser dispatched from Hanscom Air Force Base in Lincoln just before 4 p.m. Tuesday. Within 16 hours the team, which included an ex-pro wrestler named Sgt. Slaughter and a blind ninja, killed or captured 14 squirrels, bunnies, and one 17-foot-long alligator. The alligator mat have just been in the sewers and not actually involved in the nuclear plant explosion, according to the White House.

More on this story as it develops.

May 6, 2008

Surprise, life.

I delight in doing the unexpected.

"Who's she?" You might ask. Ah, friends, 'tis a good day when you jar someone out of their routine and give them something to think of all day. It's why I'm in the business I'm in. That, and I hate money. I hate having it, or looking at it, and I'd rather not have any lying around when bills come because then I'd pay them and who wants to do that? It sickens me that I've wasted so many Star Wars stamps heading to my car insurance company.

This morning there was a disgruntled man on the porch of my office. Yes, my office has a porch. He was asking another man who works in my building how to get to a certain place. Just so happens the information guy strolls up. That's me. I happened to know there was a press conference at the address he was trying to find. But to make things worse for him, that address doesn't exist yet. It's a ribbon-cutting ceremony for a business that will one day be there.

I gave him directions. But I was about 70 percent sure of where I was sending him. I don't know Lexington very well. I know where the Revolution started because I can see it from my office window. Other than that, I'm useless.

If he finds it, surprise! If he doesn't find it, uh, surprise!

I should have sent him off with a Darth Maul stamp for his trouble, but my last one went to Verizon, where I hope he opened a can of whoopass in the middle of the customer service department.