No one wants the Bush

In New Hampshire, a dirty race is on for the U.S. Senate. In one corner, John Sunununununu, stalwart Republican and generally pasty white guy.

In the other corner, Mean Jeanne Shaheen, a former governor and mastermind of John Kerry's presidential run in 2004.

We in Boston get the political ads from both campaigns. That's gotta be one heck of an advertising budget, considering New Hampshire has its own local media market in addition to the ones around Boston.

I've been watching the evolution of their political ads for some time, but I've noticed something lately that made me say, "Great Gipper, wouldja look at that!"

No, neither Sunununununununununu nor Jeanne The Machine Shaheen has really made an effective platform known to me, the curious but ultimately irrelevant out-of-district voter.

I refer, of course, to the almost Kryptonian nature with which they treat the Man That Would Be Bush.

Here's what I mean. First, the anti-Sununununununununununununnunununununu ad:

Next, the stylings of the anti- Lean Green Bean Jeanne Shaheen ad:

So if I was a voter in the district they cover (Thank God I'm not), I would be led to understand that both candidates have voted and paled around with Dubya. And that's a BAD THING. Right?

An aside: Who are people going to vote for?

To answer this question I went to the American Research Group, a thinktank that sounds respectable.

This group has Spleen Sheen Jeanne Shaheen running away with this race, at least as of Oct. 6, with 52 percent of the vote!!!!.

But as for ARG, further research indicates that no, unfortunately, it is NOT respectable.

Or, really, accurate.

The point is, both candidates point to each other as a failure in elected office, then compare their records to another failure in office.

Whether you vote for Sununununununnununununununununununununununnunununununununununununununununununununununununununununu or Jeanne OxyClean Ben Vereen Shaheen, I guess you're really just voting for George Bush to be your next Senator in New Hampshire.

Is it too late to write in Ralph Nader?

The space time continuum has broken

I'm happy that Sarah Palin in her debate said government should get out of people's way. It should be made smaller. Hands off!

In fact, that's true to a lot of the tenets of the GOP.

So, um... why does the government want to own banks?

I love you Tom Brokaw.

Tom Brokaw just told me I am not under the same constraints as the saps sitting at tonight's presidential debate. I felt good about that. Nobody to tell me I can't drink and shout at Tom Brokaw.

And now, a blow-by-blow of the Oct. 7, 2008 presidential debate:

9:14 p.m.: Cyndi Lauper asks the candidates a question.

9:25: Tom brokaw for the 14th time reminded McCain and Obama about time restraints.

9:28: finished dinner.

9:29: Joe Sixpack announces "I don't know what earmarks means."

9:33: Brokaw talks about being drunk. I really like this guy.

9:38: Obama panders to AAA lobbyists by announcing the Straight Talk Express lost a wheel.

9:42: Oh snap! Another Brokaw bitch-slap about sticking to the rules! "I'll stick by my end of the bargain .." BRILLIANT!

9:52: Someone leaves an anonymous comment on this here post that sums up voter apathy: "Nobody cares."

9:56: Obama says "fundamental" a record amount of times in a 45-second time span (four, I think.)

9:59: McCain makes a bad joke about a fine. I, in turn, make a fine bad joke:
A man walks into a bar. He takes a sip from his beer and a voice says," MM, baby - you sure are good-lookin'." The man looks around, but doesn't see anyone. He asks the bar tender, "Hey bar tender - did you hear that?" The bartender says," That's the peanuts. They're complimentary."

10:01: The cat enters the room to eat a snack.

10:04: An observation: Brokaw and McCain have similar ties on. And the lady in the teal sweater keeps smiling and nodding. I don't know what section she's in.

10:10: Obama wants to extend non-military aid to Pakistan. Says "We will kill Bin Laden."

10:11: McCain begins response with his hero is Teddy Roosevelt. He began his last response with "My hero is Ronald Regan."

10:12: We debate follow-ups; Brokaw admits "I'm just hired help."

10:14: McCain responds to Obama; says he knows how to get to Bin Laden. So to paraphrase Keith Olbermann: If he knows how to get Bin Laden, why isn't he sharing that information with the government now?

10:19: Marcy observes that John McCain holds his mic like an ice cream cone. "MMM .. delicious microphone."

10:21: McCain talks intelligently about Russia. If only this country weren't stretched so thin across this tiny planet ...

10:23: Obama finds yet another way to tie in energy to his response; this time about Russia.

10:24: McCain ALSO ties energy in to a response about Russia?

10:25: Telly Savalas is back from the dead. He's sitting behind the guy in the pink shirt that just asked McCain a question.

10:30: Best question of the night: "What don't you know and how will you learn it?"

10:32: McCain actually answers that question. Sort of. "What I don't know is what the unexpected will be." Obama just gave a speech.

10:34: Brokaw can't read his script because the candidates stood in front of it. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

G'night everybuddy.

Based on the latest presidential debates ...

I choose Barack Obama based on this debate for best catchphrase.

THough I'd be proud to call myself a McCainiac too.

Hey you Democrats

Specifically, Howard Dean:

I'm no politics expert. OK, actually, I know a thing or two about politics.

Why do you not want your party to take control of the White House? Why are you pulling for John McCain to win? I mean, that's cool and all, but I thought the whole point of the primaries and the presidential race was so that your party wins. But one hell of a strategy if this is all part of the plan, then, I'm sorry.

Rather than use a valuable two-month window between state primaries to formulate a platform against the other party, you're instead going to continue infighting. I wish I had at my fingertips the results of the 2004 primaries, and when specifically you knew Kerry was your man. And Gore before him, for that matter.

At what point does Dean step in and say, "Enough already. That was fun. You win, (Barack/Hillary)."

And Florida? How worthless is Florida? "Hi. I'm a voter in Florida. I've been told my vote doesn't matter and the Democrats want to spend $10 million on a new election or a recount. But no one knows who will be expected to pay for it. Oh wait .. I do, because it will be state, federal or local taxes that foot the bill."

I mean really. Come on. I thought around this time in 2001 the Dems would have sat back and said, "Sheesh. We really fudged that. Next time let's put up a candidate who can't lose. More importantly, let's hope Bush puts the country in the crapper and then we won't even need a can't lose; we'll just need one that has a pulse."

Three years later, their prayers answered, the party has another battle for a candidate. It's always an uphill climb to unseat an incumbent, but c'mon; by the time the 2004 election rolled around the country was past forgiving the presidents' blunders (lest ye forget at one point, post-9/11, the president enjoyed fabulous ratings in the polls). Ya needed someone with a pulse. Instead you put up John Kerry.

Now you have two candidates with fire in their bellies, and you're lost. We like 'em both, you say. Well McCain, while old and past his prime and also old, is practically an incumbent. Fringe voters remember his name from 2000; and then as now he enjoyed a more middle-of-the-road reputation than his Republican contemporaries.

It's an uphill climb for one candidate, let alone two. It's a mess, and again Florida is somehow involved. Here's a thought for the free time until the next state primary: Use it to establish a party line. Pick a candidate to run with it, and stick to it. Start convincing the undecideds out there (like me) that you've actually got a game plan, and your candidate is a professional who can actually run a country.

Because it's pimp vs. hookers, that's why.

A friend asked me at work today why the story about Eliot Spitzer was such a big deal. Besides the obvious sexual deviance storyline, who cares?

There's a lot to say about it. How about the fact that the guy who partially built his reputation on busting prostitution rings now finds himself in them? Or that the guy is the married governor of New York, and having been its attorney general should be held to a slightly higher standard when it comes to enforcement of the law?

For me, though, the sad thing is this: It reminds us that people in government often get everything they have by shaking down someone weaker, smaller, and less powerful than they.

In that respect, the line between pimp and politician gets blurred.

Bryan and the Giant Killer Squid

Whoa … did I really only post once last month?

Well, for both of you who have stuck with me, I make a peace offering. From the bowels of my own personal social closet I bring you an oily, festering, pimple-laced, gooey confession that’s so juicy if you touch it you’ll get boils.

I might be addicted to AM radio. But that’s not all: I think I’m hooked on Air America.

It began with a flurry of channel surfing for Rick Jenerett’s (sp?) broadcasts of Sabres games. Then, I made the happy discovery Al Franken and Bill O’Reilly broadcast at the same time. If you flip back and forth it’s like they’re arguing with each other! In a fight, I think O’Reilly’d win. He’s sick.

Later in the day, after Al, is Ed. Democrats always have monosyllabic names: JOHN Kerry. GEORGE Stephouanoupoulous. BILL Clinton and his wife, HANK.

One morning I found I’d left it on overnight. My radio didn’t melt. Some guy named Mark takes the morning shift. He’s useful for the re-broadcast of Jay, Conan, Dave and Jon. A refreshingly unbiased way to start the day.