I love you Tom Brokaw.

Tom Brokaw just told me I am not under the same constraints as the saps sitting at tonight's presidential debate. I felt good about that. Nobody to tell me I can't drink and shout at Tom Brokaw.

And now, a blow-by-blow of the Oct. 7, 2008 presidential debate:

9:14 p.m.: Cyndi Lauper asks the candidates a question.

9:25: Tom brokaw for the 14th time reminded McCain and Obama about time restraints.

9:28: finished dinner.

9:29: Joe Sixpack announces "I don't know what earmarks means."

9:33: Brokaw talks about being drunk. I really like this guy.

9:38: Obama panders to AAA lobbyists by announcing the Straight Talk Express lost a wheel.

9:42: Oh snap! Another Brokaw bitch-slap about sticking to the rules! "I'll stick by my end of the bargain .." BRILLIANT!

9:52: Someone leaves an anonymous comment on this here post that sums up voter apathy: "Nobody cares."

9:56: Obama says "fundamental" a record amount of times in a 45-second time span (four, I think.)

9:59: McCain makes a bad joke about a fine. I, in turn, make a fine bad joke:
A man walks into a bar. He takes a sip from his beer and a voice says," MM, baby - you sure are good-lookin'." The man looks around, but doesn't see anyone. He asks the bar tender, "Hey bar tender - did you hear that?" The bartender says," That's the peanuts. They're complimentary."

10:01: The cat enters the room to eat a snack.

10:04: An observation: Brokaw and McCain have similar ties on. And the lady in the teal sweater keeps smiling and nodding. I don't know what section she's in.

10:10: Obama wants to extend non-military aid to Pakistan. Says "We will kill Bin Laden."

10:11: McCain begins response with his hero is Teddy Roosevelt. He began his last response with "My hero is Ronald Regan."

10:12: We debate follow-ups; Brokaw admits "I'm just hired help."

10:14: McCain responds to Obama; says he knows how to get to Bin Laden. So to paraphrase Keith Olbermann: If he knows how to get Bin Laden, why isn't he sharing that information with the government now?

10:19: Marcy observes that John McCain holds his mic like an ice cream cone. "MMM .. delicious microphone."

10:21: McCain talks intelligently about Russia. If only this country weren't stretched so thin across this tiny planet ...

10:23: Obama finds yet another way to tie in energy to his response; this time about Russia.

10:24: McCain ALSO ties energy in to a response about Russia?

10:25: Telly Savalas is back from the dead. He's sitting behind the guy in the pink shirt that just asked McCain a question.

10:30: Best question of the night: "What don't you know and how will you learn it?"

10:32: McCain actually answers that question. Sort of. "What I don't know is what the unexpected will be." Obama just gave a speech.

10:34: Brokaw can't read his script because the candidates stood in front of it. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

G'night everybuddy.