Marriage is all about communication.

And I have proof.

Office cookies

Your office drones are divided into two camps: Those that shrink away from the last cookie in the sampling your nice coworker brought in, and those that don't. The kind of person to take the last office cookie has to be methodical, deliberate and, at times, sneaky - for the death knell could toll on the treat bag at any moment. There's always that moment of hesitation: Do I bother getting up from my desk, wander over to the break room only to find the bag of cookies empty? Though, like Highlander, there can be only one office cookie vulture, the uncertainty always looms like ketchup clinging to the neck of a glass bottle. Begrudgingly, this person slowly rises from the desk and unshackles the chains of industry. His pace quickens, though, as he sights his goal. From this vantage, he can't see every ingress to the break room. What if someone, at that very hair's breadth of time, is also doing the quick-step to the sacred grove by the microwave? I must have it first, he says, for at no other time (at least today) will free treats be so close within reach! Then, rounding the corner and through the door, the cookie is spied. The coast is clear, a brief lunge, and success! The drone emerges victorious, savoring each chocolate-infused crumb with the intoxicating notion that he, he indeed, was the only one to dare breach office etiquette and claim his prize.

Yeah, I'm that guy.

Actual conversation

Verizon lady: Sir, you are spending a lot of money on texting - if you go with a $5 monthly text plan with Verizon Wireless, you could have unlimited texting. Let me just pull up your account here ...

ME: I don't spend that much on texting.

VL: I'm looking at your account now. It seems you have been texting a lot over the last three months ... now if I look at the 5182 number (ed's note: That's Marcy's line) ...

ME: Yes, but over the four-year lifetime of my business with Verizon, you'll see that I actually spend far less than $5 a month for texting.

VL: ... and just in June, you could have saved yourself money ...

ME: Right, but again, if you look at my whole history with your company, you'll see I don't spend $5 a month for texting.

VL: I don't have access to that information, sir. I only have the last three months.

ME: Yes, but as a salesperson who just cold-called me, you should have access to that information. You should be equipped to discuss a person's full account, and see that in light of the years of service I paid for, I rarely use texts except in the summer, and that amount does not work out to $5 a month.

VL: Sir, if you already have this down to a science ...

ME: It's not science. It's very simple math. Two months out of the year, my wife and I have to text a lot to make plans with people out of state. Can you tell me if those charges I accrue would amount to $60?

VL: We don't offer a $60 plan, sir, just $5 a month that may save you money.

ME: $60 is $5 a month for a year. If you can tell me that my texting for a year is more than $60, I will join the plan.

(PAUSE)

VL: Sir, we offer a $5 monthly texting plan that does not affect your contract. So even if you wanted to do it for a month or two during the summer, it may save you money.

ME: What if it doesn't?

(PAUSE)

VL: If you'd like to think it over, you may call our toll-free line anytime at 888 ... (ed's note: She went by the number so fast, even if I was going to write it down I couldn't). Thank you, and have a great day.

BM: Thank you. You too.

Please pardon the mess

The Daily Blurb, if you haven't noticed already, is undergoing some changes. 

Please pardon its appearance while doctors work on a cure.

As always, your patronage is greatly appreciated. 

- The Management

Swine flu and you.

Here's my one, only, prevailing thought about the swine flu: 

It's overrated.

I mean, remember SARS?