I Bested a Giant in Norway!

A physics student once tried to explain to me how big the universe was:

According to modern theories, he said, the formula to precisely dictate its size is somewhat relative to that of a formula identifying the flat point on the surface of a sphere.

I tried to picture that, but then he said this:

You cannot actually picture this.

Oh. Well then.

Here are some other formulae to describe what hitherto has been undescribable:

The filling in an Oreo cookie = mass x volume of stomach – lunch(squared) plus the square root of milk.

Writing at night while girlfriend chats about commercials = velocity x energy x 0. (It should be noted that anything multiplied by zero is zero; therefore the amount of writing done is nothing. However, this equation may be modified thus: )
Writing at night while girlfriend chats about commercials + Norwegian plastic thinking cap = velocity x energy x b, where b represents the amount of time spent tuning her out.

Lacrosse = hockey + football + jai alai – reason

You may also use the following to calculate the amount of change lost in the couch:

Days since last load of laundry / Number of pairs of underwear in drawer x S (where S is snacks purchased that week out of the vending machine at work) - W (where W is your weight, in grams).