Oscars - wild!

Here's what I'll say about the Oscars:

1) Seinfeld and Ellen Degeneres are actually funny.

2) A teacher at Marcy's college once told her she looked like Celine Dion. Yikes. I don't think so but Marcy sings nice.

3) Pan's Labyrinth got screwed outta an Oscar.

4) Marty Scorsese's eyebrows will one day jump off his face and take over the world.

5) Some dude is standing next to Clint Eastwood talking in Italian. It's very emotional. Oh wait .. I think this guy just called Clint a damn, dirty douche ... Now I'm sure he said "Wrigley's gum." And cobb salad. He's just reading a menu now! This is the best acceptance speech ever. He just told Gwyneth Paltrow to brush her teeth with cheese, and I'd like to thank you from the bottom of my pants! (Thank you, Marcy, for translating.)

6) I've spent a lot of time watching this show, and I just saw a commercial in which a toddler knows who Taft is and what he looks like. I'm going to go do something with my life now ...

Best made-up holiday ever.

Meep Day is like if you took the original, pre-screwed-with Star Wars trilogy and made it into an intravenous drug only available to you if you take an oath to punch a Teletubby in the eyes whenever you see one. Naturally, you want it every day but you only can get it once in a great while.

It happens once a year, and is our fuck-you to the establishment that says I have to buy flowers and chocolate and shit once a year while essentially ignoring my better half for the rest. No thank you. I rather surprise her with flowers ONLY when she least expects them, and when I have the money. And when I don't have the money? Well, that's sort of what Meep Day is all about.

See, Meep day has a rule. You may not buy the other person a gift. You have to make it.

I've just celebrated my third Meep Day, and it's taught me something about the nature of gifts: When they are created by hand, they mean so much more. Maybe it's just a card you make from magazine clippings, or a dinner. Whatever it is, I've never been able to put "I love you" in a gift the way I can on Meep Day.

That said, it works the other way, too. I didn't think I could love her more than I do, but then Meep Day came. And she made me a Death Star cake. Best made-up holiday ever.






Oh yeah - did I mention the Death Star is filled with pudding?

"Aw, man, I just washed this shirt"

And Marcy loses her battle to the Parmesan. A bloody, cheese-filled fray it was.

Mice as wind socks?

I am a firm believer in the ability of rodents to forecast climate change. A ferret once warned me of rain. I brought my umbrella to work that day. I’m glad I did.

So I plan to bring my bike down from the attic in three weeks, since Punxsutawney Phil reports we’ll have an early spring.

On a related note, one of the best things about my career in journalism is my ability to spell Punxsutawney without looking it up. (Ironically, I just misspelled “spell” though. I guess it’s back to fourth grade I go.)