Hey, stoopid!

Here's today's assignment, for background.

In case you're wondering what the headline has to do with what I'm about to say, let me elaborate:

Every time I feel the need to correct someone, one of my brain genies always shouts "Hey Stoopid" in the hopes that I, too, having heard the outburst will repeat it in the same, inane manner only more loudly.
(What's a brain genie? Everyone has a blue and red brain genie. You do, too. The blue one handles inert functions of everyday activity. Breathing, heartbeat, driving to work, turning the hot water on the faucet to just the right level for the shower - all of these are relegated to the blue brain genie. The red one helps accomplish complex tasks, such as balancing a checkbook or trying to figure out the boss's move pattern on world 3-4 of Super Paper Mario. Once that pattern is memorized, however, the task shifts to the blue genie. He's single-handedly responsible for my ability to beat Goonies 2 for the NES in under an hour. No need to thank me for the explanation.)

So today's BufBloPoFo topic is about the need to correct all the idiots out there.

As such, I would like to clear up some misconceptions on chili.

I know for a fact that if you put 10 chefs in a room and gave them each a set of ingredients for chili, a pot, and a broom handle with which to stir the concoction, inevitably ONE of them (or more) would find a way to use the broom handle as an ingredient.

Because there are just too many people out there who feel good chili has to have two traits: A lot of ingredients, and a factor of +8 soupiness (Since Gary Gygax, the co-founder of Dungeons and Dragons, died yesterday, I'm making at least one reference in everything I do to D&D in his honor).

Neither is true. Chili really only needs tomatoes, beans, peppers. That's it. A good chili will add onions, a variety of peppers, and hot sauce. A great chili needs only to be made by me.

OK, I overstated that a little. But where most chilis are at a +7 or +8 soupiness factor, mine usually hover at +2. And I break my own rule here because I use somewhere between 11 and 13 ingredients, if you count the pinch of sugar and hint of lime.

Chili should be thick enough so that you can eat it with a fork, and should be easily paired with a starch. Bread or rice work great.

It should be hot enough so that it's enjoyable at first, and tasty so you want more, but then it builds and builds and all of a sudden you're crying because you're ashamed at the mess you've made of your life but also the chili is hot.

So keep it simple, stoopid, for red genie's sake.